“And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” — Matthew 22:39
Beautiful words.
Comforting words.
Easy words to put on a coffee mug.
A little harder when the neighbor in question is the person who gets on your last nerve before you’ve even finished your first cup of coffee.
Most of us have heard that verse many times.
But here is a more uncomfortable question:
What if Jesus was talking about someone you don’t particularly like?
Pause for a moment.
Did someone just come to mind?
Interesting, isn’t it?
Maybe that is exactly where Jesus wants to begin.
Who Is Your Neighbor, Really?
Someone once asked Jesus that very question:
“And who is my neighbour?” — Luke 10:29
Jesus answered with the story of the Good Samaritan in Luke 10.
A man was attacked, robbed, beaten, and left beside the road.
People saw him.
And walked past.
Then someone unexpected stopped.
A Samaritan.
He didn’t simply feel sorry for the injured man.
He got involved.
He cared for him.
He helped him.
He spent his own time and money making sure the man was safe.
Then Jesus gave this simple command:
“Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise.” — Luke 10:37
That makes the definition of “neighbor” much bigger than the person whose mailbox happens to be next to yours.
Your neighbor might be:
The woman who sits alone at church.
The friend who suddenly stopped calling.
The older man down the street.
The cashier having a terrible day.
The family member you’ve been avoiding.
Or, yes, possibly the person who has already told you the same story twelve times.
So ask yourself:
Who do I notice?
And then ask the harder question:
Who have I stopped noticing?
Sometimes Christian love begins long before we say anything.
It begins when we simply see someone.
Love Your Neighbor as Yourself: Jesus Wasn’t Talking About a Feeling
When Jesus spoke about loving our neighbor, He wasn’t describing a nice emotional feeling that magically appears when everyone behaves themselves.
He was talking about action.
Love is something we practice.
It may mean:
Calling someone who has been unusually quiet.
Listening without trying to solve every problem.
Offering encouragement.
Forgiving.
Praying for someone privately.
Showing patience when you would much rather explain—in great detail—exactly why you are right.
And occasionally, love means saying absolutely nothing.
That may be one of Christianity’s more advanced spiritual disciplines.
Before reacting, try asking yourself:
“What does this person need from me right now?”
Notice what happens when you ask that question.
Your attention begins moving away from your irritation and toward their humanity.
And that small shift can completely change what happens next.
Think of Someone Right Now
Picture someone you know who may be struggling.
Maybe they are lonely.
Maybe they are grieving.
Maybe they are worried about money.
Maybe their marriage is hurting.
Maybe they haven’t told anyone what they’re going through.
Or maybe they simply feel forgotten.
Now imagine your phone ringing if you were the one feeling that way.
Imagine seeing a message that simply said:
“I was thinking about you. How are you doing?”
Small sentence.
Possibly enormous impact.
What if the kindness you almost didn’t offer becomes the answer to someone else’s prayer?
You may never know.
But God does.
But What About Difficult People?
This is where Jesus makes things considerably more challenging.
Because He didn’t say:
“Love the people who agree with you.”
He didn’t say:
“Love people when they behave properly.”
And unfortunately, He did not include a special exemption for relatives during the holidays.
“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” — Matthew 5:44
That is a much harder kind of love.
So what do you do when someone has hurt you?
Can you love someone without trusting them?
Can you forgive someone without allowing them to hurt you again?
Can you show grace and still have boundaries?
Yes.
Christian love does not require you to pretend that pain never happened.
Forgiveness is not the same thing as permission.
Compassion is not the same thing as allowing mistreatment.
Healthy boundaries can exist alongside a loving heart.
And when you don’t know what love should look like in a difficult relationship, that is a very good question to bring to Jesus.
Try This for 30 Seconds
Think again about the person who frustrates you.
Picture them clearly.
Notice what happens inside you.
Maybe you tighten up.
Maybe an old argument starts replaying.
Maybe your mind immediately begins preparing Exhibit A, Exhibit B, and Exhibit C explaining why you are completely justified.
Now change the question.
Instead of asking:
“Why are they like this?”
Ask:
“Jesus, how do You want me to respond?”
Instead of:
“How can I make them understand me?”
Ask:
“Jesus, what are You trying to teach me here?”
And instead of:
“Who is right?”
Try:
“Who are You asking me to become?”
Feel the difference?
One set of questions keeps you trapped inside the argument.
The other opens the door to growth.
And if the voice you are hardest on happens to be your own, you may also want to read what Scripture says about the way you talk to yourself. Jesus said to love your neighbor as yourself, after all.
Love Usually Starts Small
You probably do not need to make some huge dramatic gesture today.
You do not need background music.
You do not need a slow-motion moment.
You may simply need to make one phone call.
Send one message.
Offer one prayer.
Give one compliment.
Listen five minutes longer.
Forgive one small offense.
Or choose not to say the thing you really, really wanted to say.
Sometimes the most powerful acts of faith look completely ordinary.
Before You Leave, Ask Yourself These Questions
Take a moment.
Read these slowly.
And notice which one makes you uncomfortable.
That may be the important one.
Jesus, who have I been overlooking?
Who needs kindness from me today?
Is there someone I need to forgive?
Where am I holding onto anger?
Where could I be more patient?
Am I trying harder to be right than to be loving?
How can I love someone while still keeping healthy boundaries?
Is there someone You want me to call today?
What would loving my neighbor actually look like in the next 24 hours?
You do not need to have the answers before you begin.
Sometimes the question itself is the beginning of the answer.
And if one person came to mind while you were reading this, don’t dismiss it too quickly.
Maybe there is a reason.
Maybe today is the day to take one small step.
Bring the Question to Jesus
Some questions are easy to talk about.
Others sit quietly in the heart.
Relationships.
Forgiveness.
Loneliness.
Anger.
Family.
Fear.
The person you love.
And the person you’re trying very hard to love.
You do not have to sort everything out alone.
Bring the question.
Bring the confusion.
Bring the person’s name if you need to.
Ask Jesus.
Start a private, Scripture-grounded conversation at NowAskJesus.
Because sometimes the first step toward loving your neighbor is allowing Jesus to change the way you see them.
And sometimes, while He is changing the way you see them, He quietly changes you too.
With faith, love, and just a little more patience for the people who test it,
Your friends at NowAskJesus